Knock Knock

Here I am back with one more very common observation and ugly truth.

As mentioned in my earlier post dowry is mostly demanded by women. I came across one more incident where women are involve to do unfairness to other women. Here I would like to mention two different point of view and incidents from different gender's perceptions.

I clearly remember one past experience of my friend who is currently in Canada. She did love marriage and when word 'love marriage' enters into your life then things changes automatically like culture,life style etc. You learn your new family's rules regulation by observing or following that. She had mentioned one incident where after her engagement she tried to enter into her in laws' kitchen for the first time but the acceptance to that initiative was really not appreciable.I have heard many cases where for any new girl in the family to enter in kitchen for first time is less accepted. I just kept quite when she shared this incident with me as I was just 19 and was unable to understand her feelings or may be I did not try to dig into it as I found it now a days this kind of cases are few. After 5 years of this incident I came across one more similar kind of discussion with my friend. Below is the conversation I had with my friend.

I always respect this guy friend for his mature and thoughtful decision. Whenever I feel like I want to discuss something which probably girl prefers to talk with another girl about family or feelings or probably the solution/advise to something then always first name comes into my mind is his name. Few months back as per our routine we were discussing few heavy topics of life on weekend and all of sudden that topic diverted to marriage. In this discussion we were discussing girl's expectation and the family's expectation to new bride. After long discussion and arguments of few things he said one sentence which was directly or indirectly connected to above incident. He mentioned that when a girl is going into family where there is no girl sibling to his husband then expectations with new bride is much more higher then general case. I observed very recent scenario which had combination of both this incident and I was just speechless. So I decided to dig more into this and surprisingly I found few reasons through which I was not convinced completely but accepted.

Reason
In earlier days, women used to handle all household responsibilities and men used to handle all economical affairs of the family. This was the tradition followed for many years in India and still in some part due to this tradition eventually women started accepting their territory as till kitchen only. Time has changed 50% of women has started working so their territory was not restricted but the other 50% are still belonging to those category where kitchen is their own category as they feel safe and powerful their as nobody is going to resist them on their any decisions. It is good to have your own space but the worst effect gradually came as these women can not accept other women's existence or entrance in their territory. Secondly, may they have seen that men are not considering them in their other decisions so she has all power and wisdom to take decisions here.

Possible way
I am not sure this can be the reason every time but in maximum cases this can be the reason. It is really big trouble for any women to adjust or prove herself where these two situations are going hand in hand. So as women let all of us give warm welcome and acceptance to new women member knocking to your door. It will be really helpful to them to adjust in your family as per your way. After all, she is women and as per nature rule she will return all your love doubled.

Latest Trend of Dowry in India

What is dowry?

When we hear the word dowry first thing comes in our mind is some money, jewellery, furniture’s, household items, but in India we have one more thing which is top of all these things and i.e. welcoming and respecting all the bridegroom's family etc. 

Current trend in Dowry

The modern art of asking dowry in India is 'aap kuch nahi doge to chalega par baarat ka swagat achche se hona chahiye'. Now I really don't understand the concern here of 'achche se' because in any family when girl child take birth her mother's first wish is that only that she will give her everything which she has not received. So it is really difficult to identify the criteria of what exactly falls under this category. And it doesn't stop here with 'achche se' it is live upto the all other rituals also like pagfera rasam, first baby born, baby shower etc. 

Where it takes place? 

When we see the current situation we feel like 'kaun se zamane ki baat karte ho, ye to pehle ke zamane me hota tha', but trust me it is still there. And the major misconception about this is 'arrange marriages' have such issues. We are wrong here not only arrange marriages, the new trend of India love with arrange marriages also have such issues. In fact in this type of marriages demands are going much more higher than one can expect in name of rituals. The most common dialogue of this kind of marriages 'You have to follow this as it is as per our rituals'. No matter whether you are willing to do or not due to eyes of society one will get ready to do all these 'bullshit'. 

Who all are involved?

Generally as per the government record we found maximum involvement of groom's father, mother and groom itself found involved in few cases but surprisingly numbers are different from the record the major involvement is here from groom’s mother. How one women can play two different role if she is mother then she will say no my daughter will not do anything but once she become mother-in-low she starts demanding. Is it because of power of that position she is holding or the past incidents or experience of her life. Whatever the reason is but if she understands this thing then life of that new bride will be very beautiful with her new family.

Solutions

If we are facing problem then we are the one who has the solution of it. If we will understand the causes of it then it will be easy for any women to get herself away from become a part of it.