Smile :)

Smile is the beautiful ornament ever one can wear. It looks like without smile face is incomplete. there is one saying about smile that you should at least give smile to unknown person once in a day. I have done this many times and felt why it is so important. I have given smile to those people who felt ignored by the people though they are doing very important job like the shopping mall security, watchman etc. By giving the smile they will at least feel good for one moment. You don't know their lives so you don't know that from which phase of life they are going. At job they are seeing daily many people and sometime people scold them or just ignore them due to their work profile but if you just give them smile then they will feel good and it might make them feel that they are doing good job and we respect them.

So smile can not determine what is there behind the face or reality. I love one song from movie 'Khuda Kay Liye', the lyrics of the song describes the above idea. The lyrics are,

 "I face the world with a smile.. No one knows what is hiden inside..They see only happiness..They cant see the tears i' ve cried..Bandya ho bandya, bandya ho", 

it describes well the idea what I mentioned. The inspiration to write this post is one of my school friend. I met this guy last week, I knew this guy since my school days. He was very calm person in school, in school he was my senior and we never had chance to interact with each other. Three year back we met in one of our common school friend's family function. It was the first time I get to know about more than his name. We exchanged the number. When I try to remember this guy that how was he in the school then all I can collect from my memory is guy with always wearing innocent smile on his face and ofcourse, noticeable good look. During this three years I got chance to know more about this guy as we never had any interactions in school so It was fun to talk about school days life with him.. 

Our last week's meeting was interesting, this time it was not about the school days. Being a school friend, school days' memories will be always there in our talk but this time I found something interesting about his life which I think not many people knows about him. I met the real him behind that innocent smile and I was completely shocked. He started narrating that he was just 6-7 years old when his mother, his brother and he had to left his home suddenly after his dad's death. He shared that he still remember that he was carrying just one school bag and that school bag had all his books nothing else while leaving the home. his mother was very brave women I must say as if I see him now then he is completely different, he is very strong and settled I can say as he is starting his own office in few days. To come out of all these situation where only few books were the companion and now they are having settled life is all together different scenario. One need lot of courage to do it which might everyone doesn't have it. On that day I found that this guy has struggled a lot in very small age, he might have seen what one must not deserve to see or feel in the childhood. After that meeting I can imagine his two pictures in my mind one who is wearing always smile on his face and another of very strong person who can fights again any storm with smile on his face. 

The whole incident made me realize that smile is very powerful weapon to stand strongly infront of world if you don't want to let others know about ups and down of your life. It makes life easy and at least happy for a moment when you smile. Till now I was just following the saying of giving smile to uknown person without getting know to this type of realities behind those smiles, but now I understand why it is important to smile. Your smile is very small thing but for someone it may help them to forget all their pains and gives courage in their individual fights. 

Keep Smiling always! 

આ લડાઈમાં...

હું એકલી જરૂર છુ પણ અટુલી નથી.

હું ટુટી છું પણ અટકી નથી.

હું જીતી નથી રહી પણ હું હારી પણ નથી.

હાથમાંથી બધું જ જઈ રહ્યુ છે પણ મે એ હાથ છોડ્યો નથી

આજે એ મંજીલ નથી રહી પણ મે રસ્તો બદલ્યો નથી

હવે એ ઉત્સાહ નથી રહ્યો પણ મે હિમ્મત હારી નથી

હાથ કાંપી રહ્યા છે પણ હું હથિયાર નથી છોડી રહી

વંટોળ વધ્યુ છે પણ મે એ દિશા બદલી નથી

રડી ચોક્કસ રહી છું પણ હું લાચાર નથી થઈ

આજે જીંદગી એ ફરી રમત રમી છે પણ મે જીંદગીનો સાથ છોડ્યો નથી

શ્વાસ સાથ છોડી દેશે પણ આ જીભ તારુ નામ નહીં

હું થાકી જરૂર ગયી છુ પણ ભાંગી નથી પડી...

Principles

It is difficult to deal in few situation for people those who strongly believe in their principles. For every human it is important to have some principles in life and more important is to stick to it. There are very few who can follow it in any conditions. I am going to talk about one incident where one girl want to stick to the principles but on what cost. 

I would like to introduce her as my best hanging out buddy or I can say she is just like me that's the reason I just love her company. When we are together sometimes words are not required to communicate the things this is how our tuning works together! One day like the most other Saturday we decided to meet up and visit to some flea market. In my state people every time complaint that they have nothing to do here as there is no beaches or good places to hang around. So these days this new trend has started that you find yourself comfortable in every other weekend in some random event. Ahaan, the event place was very beautiful it was at riverfront park. There was full of energy and peace were walking hand in hand in this event. The energy was the young happening crowd and peace was the place. We were five, two couples and that friend. We had almost checked out the all stores of that market. And we were at most awaited place of the event i.e. food corner. We all are big time foodies, we always check out food options first before going anywhere such like are we going to get something new to try etc. We were enjoying the surroundings while discussing on food option and I suddenly observed that friend's behavior, it was not regular but more of like less comfortable with situation. I did not ask her anything there and there but later I asked for the clarification and I found that there was such situation where her principles were not allowing her to be the witness of something but just because she did not want to let others know about it she stayed. 

We left our conversation on that point, but somewhere back in my mind situation was clear and so the question is. What can be done in such situation if you don't want to stay but you had to. The situation where your self respect/principles are not allowing you to stay but you did not want others to know or not to be the part of it. Finally, after taking such a long time to think on what can be done, I found easiest solution just to escape such situation. You can't just simply walk away from it as it may appear as boycott. I thought of doing the same but in different manner(;)) yes, boycott but in different manner. Whenever such situation happens you may simply call any of your near or dear one and you can stay away from the whole situation for while showing that you are on genuine call. By doing this you are saving your own principles by not standing there and also relations with people around. I hope this will help you guys, Never let anyone harm your own principles or respect!! 

Transit

 In transit word mostly used in the logistic operations but here I am going to use it to explain one of the real life incident. This word explains that the sender has send the thing but receiver has not yet received as it is in the middle of the way. So in this case the thing is neither with the sender nor with the receiver. In a way there is no one's ownership on things or rather I would say that the things have not left the sender's side or not accepted the new receiver. I came across such situation recently. 

I and my husband were going on vacation recently along with some close friends. It was most awaited vacation and we all were excited. So our trip begins from my place, we all decided to meet up at our place as it is near to the airport. We had chosen half way through flight and then road trip to our destination. As all of you are aware we get lots of instruction from parents when you go on some random trips where you already know that mobile network, internet access will be almost none. Those instruction contents call us by end of the day everyday, call us when you reach, update us about your plans etc. 

With all the excitement and instructions keeping in mind we started our journey. After few hours of journey we landed to the destination from where we had to start road-trip. As next step we all gathered near the luggage belt waiting for our luggage. While standing there I started observing people and without no time I found my all friends are on calls including my husband. So I gave some more attention to find out this common behavior, Surprisingly that common behavior has common thing as they all were on call with their parents to inform that we have reached to first place of our journey. I felt very awkward in this situation as It's not like that I had nobody to call like this but it was extremely painful situation to understand dilemma going on in my mind between calling to my parents or my in-laws. I decided to explain this dilemma to my husband and fortunately when I started this talk he quickly understood it and he explained that he already noticed the same on airport but due to lack of time he couldn't took the action on it. I feel so lucky to have him in my life who can understand this small-small things by just looking at my face. 

In above case to standing on airport and have dilemma on whom to call is perfect as transit where you can't decide on anything. I got recently married to Ruchit 5 months back. At the airport I did not understand whom to call whether to my parents or my in-laws as I find myself in transit where neither I could call my in-laws first as they are new for me nor to my parents otherwise the people will think that I still give first priority to my parents. I felt like every girl must have been through such kind of dilemma where they can't decide the priority of the parents. It is very sad that because of social pressure we had to sometime choose the thing which we never meant to choose.  

Give up!

I was so confused when I started writing this as I came across the two words as a perfect subject for it. The words are 'GIVE UP' &  'The ultimate fighter'. These two words draws completely contradictory picture of person when they are used. Here I used these two words to show one's personality. The girl who is ultimate fighter but now a days thinking of giving up in small small things. 

When we call someone the ultimate fighter then it means no matter what s/he will fight in any condition for truth, rights or may be for own pride. But here battle is not always with the situation or unknown persons. The time may comes when the battle is with yourself or may be it is with your love one or the person who is directly or indirectly effecting your family or your love ones. These are the battles where these two words plays major role whether to fight or give up. The very famous poet Mr. Harivanshray Bachchan has written in one of his poetry in Madhushala that,

"Harna tab jaruri hai jab ladai apno se ho and jitna tab jaruri hai jab ladai apne aap se ho"

It has very deep thought behind it. Somewhere I observed this two situation walking in hand to hand in one occasion. Few days ago, I was just having chitchat with one close friend of mine and came across such situation. I know this girl more than 15 years. When we know someone for such a longer time then needless to say that how much you know about that person. The girl is I can say mature enough to handle relations, and take care of herself in ANY situation. But this time it was different, she was narrating something else. She has shifted to somewhere else few months back. It is very obvious that one always need sometime to adjust in new situation but I knew this girl was different and for her it will not be that much tough. She had one story, and the story plays around three character, that girl (First Person), her fiance (Second Person) and a very close person of fiance's life (Third Person). 

Being in the same city, now she has to be more connected with these two people. Till now there was no issue before she started more interaction with this two people. She found that there are few things which is troubling her a lot and which needs to be change in this relation. Most of things were related to her relation with second person and third person's involvement in it. She thought of giving sometime to make things proper so she could understand it properly. Though her honest try things didn't work. Whenever she meet with this third person it always ends with few arguments. Since starting that third person has different view than this girl so it started ending up with hot arguments on both side. Gradually, the situation become worse and the whole scene is ending with now hurting each other in small small things unintentionally. Whenever such things happened then girl try to sit back and made herself understand that she is doing all things for that second person to whom she loves. But question is till what limit and till how far one can comprise these things. 

It is very important to communicate such behavior to second person and third person, now it was time for ultimate fighter (that girl) to speak about the issues with both of them. They have set up the meeting in order to resolve this issues. In meeting also she couldn't speak up few things as she was knowing that how much she loves that second person and she also knew that by saying anything harsh to third person will effect her relation with second person as second person has very important place of third person in his life. She tried every possible way to not ruin any relation or any occasion. But as I mentioned who can answer to question of till what time and till how much to go with this. 

She was unable to find those answers and it led her to give up on few things which was not in her nature though she accepted. I feel very bad when I look into her eyes, I can easily find hidden pain and tears behind that smile. I may not understand her battle completely but what I understood is sometime the ultimate fighter also has to give up. The saddest part is this whole incident left very bad impression in her mind that she is unable to decide upon on not fight and give up. All I could take from her battle is that she took up the above mentioned poem line in her life very well. My dear friend the ultimate fighter wins all her battle when it comes to her, but she couldn't win or survive the battle when it came to love of her life. I still believe that she is still ultimate fighter and fight against wrong but somewhere this incident has effected her moral and led her spirit down of fighter girl.

You are the 'CHANGE'

Many of you knows that I recently started doing my masters in full time program. In my very first class I met one girl who was my Junior at school. I did not recognize her at first meeting then she revealed that she was my Junior at high school. 

Having full time program at college means the luxury of timeless chitchat in classroom as well as in canteen. This friend has become good friend to me in just few days.  Of course, the reason behind was having many common friends. It was my first semester in the college and I came to know that is she studying with only one purpose. The object was to find good groom by using this education qualifications. I was completely shocked and speechless but I did not react on it as she already made this as her first choice. I remember saying her that in our community to work out side from home for women is not allowed. I still couldn't believe that 'Is she the same person I met her on first day of my college'.

One day she came to college after long time till then we had just heard the news of her engagement other than that there was no communication from her. We were all so curious to know more details about her engagement and pre and post marriage plans. We were sitting in the canteen and one by one we were throwing questions to her out of our curiosity about her sudden engagement plan. From her every answer we just got the gist that she is all set to move to her new life. I remember her having discussion with her on wedding date as my wedding date and hers was clashing so she thought of changing it so we both can attend each others wedding. At that time also I asked her that'don't you think this is very quick decision or you are just jumping to finish everything by getting married so soon', she replied that she is Okay with this. I stopped myself after this from digging into her matters though somewhere I had that feeling this may could go wrong. Before few weeks we met again after our weddings. On the first day we just shared the happy moments and changes of marriage life with each other. The days were passing and we both were observing the changes we are carrying and then she spoke up to me for the first time that you know Kinjal you can do all this things but I can't. The talks were about carrying yourself with such clothes in college. I was not so surprised  with her this statement so I argued that what is wrong in wear this kind of clothes after marriage? She said if I do like this then people will start talking about me? I asked really? This is the thing which bothering you so much by wearing jeans and tops? She simply nodded. I sat quite for a moment and then asked her gently to change this habit to care always about what people will think or talk about. I argued with her that you are from our generation, so if you don't like things then you are the one who initiate the change.  Again she argued about people. After few days of this incident she again came back to me with same complaint, this time I was so clear on what to answer. I told her very clearly stop complaining about things if you can't even try to change it. My intention was again to make her strong to change things which she don't like. She is still there, living the same life. My argument did not make any changes in her life. It feels bad when I see her suffering for small-small things everyday.

On the contradictory side, I know many people who belongs to the same community from where she belongs. In-fact my two best buddies are from the same community but I never heard them saying such things. From the above mentioned two, one of my friend doesn't have any male siblings So I have also seen his father treating her equally. I saw her father taught her everything like bike riding, car riding, business terms etc. Presently she is working with one Financial sector as very strong independent women after marriage also. We can clearly see her there is no role of people here for think or talk about anything. It clearly stats that the person's thought process brings the change along with not the people's reaction.

Recently, I and Ruchit were talking about the development happening in our city. In this discussion I said Ruchit we are the luckiest generation who will witness the change. He stopped me there and told me Kinjal we are not only witnessing but we can make the change, in-fact we are the 'Change'. This statement of him I find it so perfect when I see above this examples closely. 

From where you belong - Part 2

In my earlier post of  'From Where you belong Part -1', I have shared experience of place from where my mother belongs to. In this post I am going to write about the second experience which is related to my father. A little Introduction of my parents for whom who had not read my earlier post mentioned above. My father works in hardcore mechanical field and my mother is house-maker.

I had changed my job in April, 2015 for some reasons. I had various options available when I thought of change. One of them was where I am currently working. It is hardcore mechanical manufacturing company outside my city. For my profession I get many options in my city, I don't need to go so far from city but this was something different. Yes, this was something different which attracted me to work here. I still remember that I had to took my cousin along with me to go for interview at this place as it was so far from my place and the surrounding which I heard of the area was not good. I cracked the interview and dilemma started for choosing this place.  But once something is decided than it had to had happened, and it was 'YES' to work there. 

My office cab drops us everyday at gate and then there is half kilometre walk inside to reach to actual constructed buildings where offices are located. This half kilometre covers the giant plants of manufacturing where around 70-80 people were working. As it was hardcore mechanical production plant so there was no side walls and roof was made up from metal. We were around 50 members sitting on the floors. There was hardly one month passed when I joined this company and I was hardly knowing few people other than my department. One day, there was an ice-cream party for us in honour of our founder's birthday. Everybody likes some or other place of office to sit alone or to think on some new ideas ( ;) ;) ). I took my ice-cream and drove myself to that corner of conference room from where I can see the whole office (not the office staff but all plants and gate).

I could hardly believe on my eyes for what I saw, It was raining badly outside though all the workers at the plant were working hard to finish the job without thinking of rain. I was thinking that they will take break now to enjoy ice-cream party but with surprise there was no party, in-fact no ice-cream were given to them. I felt very bad at that moment, I couldn't stop myself from checking the reality. I did enquire with peon on distribution of ice-cream and he said the ice-cream treat was only for office staff which made me completely speechless. I have heard many stories from my father for not being well treated by officers to workers who works under his plants. I was so upset by seeing and knowing the realities in-front of my eyes. It was hard believe that in 21st century also people are being treated with such an inequality. I believe that company grow with all single efforts made by employees not by single employee. Those worker's efforts were very precious as they works in any situation to meet the deadlines so company can afford the Air-condition offices for their other employees or so called staff. 

However, after this incident I worked at that place for another two months. Like the other offices this organization also had the trend of giving farewell treat to employees. That incident left very deep prints of inequality, thus it led me to give my farewell treat in different way. I decided to distribute an ice-cream to all single workers working hard at the plant. With this thought I went down to show my willingness to distribute ice-cream to workers and check headcount of workers with plant head. We used to call him 'Dada' to respect his age. His looks clearly says about his experience and loyalty to the organization. I asked 'Dada' to provide headcount on my wish, first he looked me as I am stranger then we started our conversation with why this I am leaving and what are the next plans etc. Soon, the details provider a plant supervisor came with the daily presence registered to give the exact number of presence employees. The exact number was given to me and informed to plant supervisor that this people are being treated with Ice-cream from my side, I will not forget what he said on that day, he said, "Madam, everybody treats the office staff only why you want to treat us". I couldn't tell him the reason that I can feel the pain of inequality which my father used to tell us. I simply answered it with that everybody treats them and these are the people who can afford to buy ice-cream but not your workers so I want to treat them. In the last, with tears in his eyes 'Dada said I am proud of you' I can't forget that line I bow him and say goodbye to take leave. 

While leaving from the office on that day I heard people asking each other about why Ice-cream was distributed and who distributed it. I asked Dada to keep it secret and he followed the same. In the end while walking through the plant area that Plant supervisor waved his hand from far to say 'Good-Bye' with big smile on his face. I will never forget this day in my life. When I think about this day then I always feel proud and feel like to say proudly 'Papa I actually fulfilled your wish of being treated equally at least for one small treat'. Those three months were very precious time to it took me the place from where my father belong and the satisfaction of giving something back to this place while working for 3 months there. :) :) 

"Days"

These days,  people celebrates more so called "days" like mother's day,  father's day,  women's day etc. Here also we have two types of people,  one who supports to celebrate this kind of days and the other who strongly believe on not celebrating as the feel it does not belong to Indian culture. Both the categories have their own views and at one point I respect their views. 

I believe that there must be one more category exist which is not mentioned above but they do exist and believe in mix review or own opinion. This opinion says that the celebrations should be there but not in terms of show case the world. If we say we should celebrate then how it supports to non celebration view?!! In this case, celebration must include the purpose behind the day declaration. 

For example on the 8th March, Women's day people talks about the women's equality, rights etc.  Addition to it they announce special discounts etc in order to celebrate this day. Few groups, organization gives special gifts to women on this day and the same is followed by few men. At the same time there is another group who argues that why should we give them only one day, all days are their. I think nothing wrong with this view but I have question for this group,

'If you think that all days are women's day then how many times have you said the importance of her role or made a day special for your wife, mother????? 

As per my knowledge, It is very hard to listen the answer The answers we've got 'May be once or twice in a year', We may get the answer like 'There is no need of saying it, she understands it', 'I am very much behind in expressing this kind of feelings' etc.  We respect the thought of not assigning only single day as special day but if you can't even make the single day special for her then this argument is baseless. 

We don't need any gifts or special discounts. We don't even need special attention if it is really all days are ours. By imposing the celebration we don't want any special treatment. We know busy life kept as aside of saying sorry and thank you for small small things. So at least take out time by having women's day,  mother's day to say,  'how special she is for you'. 

These one line is enough to celebrate the day rather than statement of 'all days are yours' or any expensive gifts.